I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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