her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So many bounce houses so little time
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
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And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
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You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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