shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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