Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.

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(407): If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that. http://tfl.nu/f0c3

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(626): View more from California

that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.

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(626): that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress. http://tfl.nu/stra

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park

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(610): my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park http://tfl.nu/hm3c

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?

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(+44): She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea? http://tfl.nu/vmb3

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(425): View more from Washington

It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.

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(425): It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down. http://tfl.nu/xg1z

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.

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(803): Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops. http://tfl.nu/javd

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.

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(306): It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story. http://tfl.nu/6m1s

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(253): View more from Washington

He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".

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(253): He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation". http://tfl.nu/2gnt

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(519): View more from Ontario

I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going

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(519): I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going http://tfl.nu/hix8

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(575): View more from New Mexico

I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.

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(575): I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm. http://tfl.nu/2mds

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(707): View more from California

do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me

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(707): do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me http://tfl.nu/4f25

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(310): View more from California

yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies

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(310): yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies http://tfl.nu/gofo

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(843): View more from South Carolina

So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff

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(843): So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff http://tfl.nu/ddxb

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out

(1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..

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(215): i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out (1-215): you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night.. http://tfl.nu/3w68

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(954): View more from Florida

Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?

(561): View more from Florida

Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.

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(954): Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do? (561): Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one. http://tfl.nu/ehu8

Replies (4) Good night (650) Bad night (97)

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