It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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