Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
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then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
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I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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