I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize