You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
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you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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