She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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