I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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