He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
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Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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