I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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