I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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