I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Michael Bay diarrhea
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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