I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
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When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
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So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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