the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
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Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
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No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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