8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize