i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
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Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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