I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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