You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize