dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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