Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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