I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize