U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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