I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
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