covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize