why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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