What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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