I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize