So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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