wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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