I am in a vortex of obligation.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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