I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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