I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
third nipple confirmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize