bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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