He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize