Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
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I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
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We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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