but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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