just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
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just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
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I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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