I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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