Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
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