Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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