so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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