Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
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i think i scared a bird with my dick
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
you had me at cake vodka
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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