From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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