I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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