"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
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Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
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I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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