escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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