last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
love makes seman taste better
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
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Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
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You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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