I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
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I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
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he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
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